If this isn't a revealing photo! There's my tell-tale glass of wine, Mick's bag of cookies (which he consumed the entire thing all by himself), unbelievable clutter, blankets everywhere, and a begging dog. I'm not sure if Louise is begging for cookies (which she never gets, but never gives up on) or if she's begging to get up on the couch.
Time is up. The visit is over. Hopefully my procrastination is over, too. The eleven days of Mick's visit home flew by in an exhausting frenzy of chores and food. Like about seven or eight pounds worth. Just for me. Mick doesn't torture himself by stepping on the scale. However, he wasn't thinking he could wear his skinny clothes either.
All the activity I'll cover tomorrow or the next day. Today, I want to talk about having a successful long-distance marriage. This might be more of a pep talk to myself than anything else because I am awfully tired of this extended separation. I didn't even mind having to give up my side (the middle) of the bed. I even ended up on the couch a few times as Sam took over Mick's side of the bed and told me to leave in her own little way (" Mom, get off please"). However, take note of the please. Whether it's sincere or not, and most manners are habit rather than a sincere reflection of feeling anyway, at least she goes through the motions and says it.
Why does this marriage still work? We've certainly faced a large number and variety of challenges over our almost 15 years of marriage. Perhaps it's because we didn't want to face those challenges alone. Yes, there were a few bumpy spots along the way, but I think Mick and I have always felt like a team; we've felt like we're better when we're together than when we're apart. Of course, if his friend Jon was a woman, then I think I'd be out in the cold. I don't resent Jon because he's my friend, too, and when Mick won't listen to me, all I used to have to do is work one night and shoot the breeze with Jon, discussing whatever I'd tried previously to discuss with Mick, and then when my thoughts had been transformed and had come forth from Jon's mouth, miraculously, they were suddenly good ideas. Successful marriage tip? See the humor in these infuriating moments and focus more on getting the end result rather than how you get that result. And feel free to use your husband as a whipping post in your blog. ( Mick used to say that was the whole purpose of the Chicken and Sponge blog--to poke fun at him in a public forum. Don't worry, hon, I'd say, it's a small forum).
What else is making this marriage work? Well, naturally having the kids is a factor, making the commitment that much stronger. And we're lucky where the kids are concerned. We both agree and without any soul-searching discussion, that Sam will always live with us, as long as we are able, and will not go into a group home or institution. Miranda is also in agreement on that. In fact, Miranda, rather unrealistically, had thought that Sam could come live with her once she graduates from college. Slow down there, we told her. It won't be that soon. And I don't mind the idea of Sam always being with us. Yes, she drinks all my creamer, takes over our computers and bedroom, and still manages to make some incredible and diabolical messes, but then Louise drags her butt across my carpet and Mick wears t-shirts that would make my mother turn pale as she ran to the garbage to dispose of them. And Miranda is a wonderful person who is going to cause me to break a bone or something because she leaves her shoes right in the doorway. I mean, RIGHT IN THE DOORWAY. My point is, on some very important issues, Mick and I are in complete agreement. We don't always agree on the smaller issues and one usually gives in without too much fuss. We have opposing views on the use of moss in landscaping ( I'm pro and he is ANTI-MOSS!!!) but I can give a little on the small things, just as he can. HANDS DOWN, I said, I PREFER FLORIBUNDAS TO TEA ROSES. Oh, really? He countered, well, ok then.
I think a very important ingredient in the successful long-distance marriage is having separate interests and goals outside of the shared ones. Our time apart is a time to pursue those interests and goals. I'm a much more productive writer when Mick is gone. So I'm reaffirming my goal to finish my novel sometime early next year, and sooner if possible. However, I plan on being somewhat a perfectionist and polishing it up, too, which takes time. My point is, I will write, rather than be in bed at 8:30.
I also have some health and fitness goals.
Now here is the crying shame of the situation. Mick, too, has similar goals. We both want to lose weight, be fit, eat healthy, and be healthier more energetic people. Can we seem to accomplish this together? EIGHT POUNDS IN ELEVEN DAYS! Gain, not loss. We refer to this unhealthy phenomenon as being or doing a "J.D. and Marie". J.D. and Marie were dear friends of ours for years, now, sadly, both deceased. J.D. had been Mick's deckhand and had the distinction of being one of the worst deckhands ever. Not that he was a bad fisherman, not at all, he would just rather stay tied up at the dock and catching fish cut into his reading time. Marie, his long time love, had been one of our bartenders up until her death. The two were very funny together and watching the two drink to excess together was like watching a stand-up comedy routine. If one ordered something, the other had to have it, whether they had a full drink in front of them or not. They'd drink beer for beer together, but then one would order a rum and coke and then the other had to have rum and coke. And if one got up to use the bathroom, the other would down his or her partner's drink and then innocently go back to their own drink as though nothing had occurred. And on and on it went. We miss them terribly, but they've certainly supplied us with a lifetime of stories. Mick doesn't drink and hasn't for 16 years, but boy, he and I can both eat. And when we're together we tend to do a J.D. and Marie. Commonly overheard at our house is, "Uh, hey, what's that you got there? Chips? Did you buy me a dip, too?" "Of course". Or "You know what sounds really good to me? A Busick breakfast!" "There you go reading my mind again!" So is that eight pounds any surprise?
Separately we'll tackle this problem and hopefully when we are together once again, we'll feel stronger and have a better handle on the food issues. If first you don't succeed...this is one of those things where a person just can't give up.
Time apart is a time for reflection, for building inner strength, for exploring one's potential. It's a time for me to gain confidence and realize just how capable I am. For Mick, it is a time to be a total guy. If he's in Pelican long enough this winter, it will be a time for hunting (which he has sorely missed and everyone but Miranda has missed the venison), fishing, and more wood gathering and chopping. He finally got the satellite hooked up, so it will also be a time for watching baseball with fishermen friends, and of course good neighbor Jon. He can watch sports and sports highlights (Mick is under the mistaken impression that this is the "news". When apart, he almost never knows what is going on in the world if it didn't take place in a ball park or arena. And he's a happier man for it). He can watch without having to negotiate interruptions for vampire shows, BBCAmerica, or Project Runway (which he knows more about than any of his guy friends would imagine).
For all the positive things about a long-distance marriage (absence makes the heart grow fonder, yada yada yada), we've had about enough. At least we've had enough of these long separations. We're hoping we've come up with a solution to this situation. Tomorrow, I will post an announcement. In the meantime, now we are just three.
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