This is for Jenny...and Cliff...and Tony...and Archie...and Marvett...
Just to warn you: this isn't my usual post. But when I can't get something off my mind and it's not too personal and embarrassing, it makes more sense to just bring it out in the open and discuss it.
A couple of weeks ago I received an email from my dear, long-lost friend Chris--a woman that I spent my freshman and sophomore years of high school with and who, after not speaking to for 28 years just seems a day away. Great friend.
Chris had run into a sister of a good high school friend on Facebook. Naturally she inquired about Jenny. Sadly, the sister relayed that her sister had died in 1992. No further details.
Chris wrote me, knowing that I'd want to know because we were both GOOD friends with Jenny. That emphasis on GOOD is in no way an exaggeration. Yes, we'd lost touch. I'd lost touch with Chris, too, yet here we are, 28 years later, like no time has passed. Jenny would have been the same kind of friend, except for 1992.
Let me tell you a little about Jenny. The first words that come to mind are WHIMSICAL, the definition of that word would be illustrated by a photo of her, TALENTED, a fine, fine musician on the flute, and KIND, oh, so very, very, KIND, and FUNNY. A gentle, but swift, sense of humor to go with the rest of her.
Chris got an email the other day from Jenny's sister. Let me say, even though Jenny was the youngest, and we were ALL in high school together, we knew her sisters fairly well, too. They too were intelligent, kind, funny, and talented. All those girls had musical talent and regardless of how popular they were, they didn't have a mean, snotty, or stuck-up bone in their bodies. All quality women.
So... Chris's email...Jenny died in 1992. It was officially a self-inflicted gun-shot wound. And not a one of us believes that. Not for a second.
Jenny was a kind-hearted soul, a very nurturing woman. That is what had led her to become a much-loved elementary school teacher. ADORED by her students, their parents, and fellow faculty.
But that kind heart had led her to wed a man of questionable background and mental stability. A man who was very controlling and isolating, allowing Jenny very little contact with her family...a scary man.
I have some experience in this area. This is something I never like to talk about, though my family is too aware, having been a good family and supportive, encouraging me to break the ties and get AWAY from him. But you can't make anyone do something they don't want to and often women feel that they are the only ones that can help these men. And these men lead the women to believe that THEY are the only ones who will love these women--because these women are so LOW, so INADEQUATE.
Jenny's family is sure, and I am too, that Jenny's husband murdered her. Hey, how many of you think Drew Peterson is innocent? NOT !!!! These men exist; they move around society; they marry us; and they murder us. That is reality and it is the kindest-hearted women, the most giving, most trusting, who are most often the victims.
No, I don't have a solution. I don't have a sermon. Unless it's to make your daughters strong and be as FORCEFUL as necessary. I was lucky. My parents got a little vocal, but left it up to me. I was lucky because my victimizer became weary and decided it would behoove him to move on and find new victims. That was just left to chance. We all want to believe that people are better than that and are moral--but don't fool yourselves--many are NOT.
Jenny is not the only murder victim I've known. Yes, I'm assuming murder and not suicide, but as I've said, not a doubt in my brain about that one. When I was pregnant with Sam, two months away from my due date, I received a phone call that the most influential man in my educational life had been murdered. He'd been shot with buck-shot in the face during a home invasion.
This was Cliff Nelson. He'd been my 7th grade teacher. I'd written an essay my freshman year that had helped him to win Montana's 1980's (?) teacher of the year award. I can't sing this man's praises enough. He had such a huge influence that there simply aren't words to tell you how much he meant to me. His memorial, his funeral revealed what an influence, what a force he'd been in so many lives. He wrote to many, many students at Christmas. So many that we were all on alternating years for receiving letters. And we were all fine with that.
I realize this is getting long. I could probably make several posts out of this and we'll see. I usually hope to entertain on some level--though when I think I'm sharing something funny, my mother is usually drowning in pity...
My ruminations tonight have centered on violent crime. I've known five (?) people who have been murdered and possibly two people who were murderers.Is that a lot?
What is this ache in my heart? This empty hole? This profound disillusionment for those whom I knew who could do something so unspeakable? How could they not only end a life, but spiritually wound the survivors? How, oh how, could they possibly not care?
And I end tonight with no answers, only questions. Man's inhumanity to man is beyond comprehension.
Jenny, Cliff, Tony, Archie, and Marvett---I'm sorry. And we miss you.
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